Creating Postive Thoughts
Using A Thought Diary For Positive Thinking
Negative thoughts and beliefs contribute to and maintain negative emotions like sadness, worry, and fears. According to the cognitive behavioral model, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interconnected, meaning that a negative thought leads to a negative feeling, which then leads to certain negative behaviors. Think of this pattern as an ongoing loop, or a cycle that goes around and around, repeating itself continuously—that is, until you interrupt the negative thoughts and beliefs.
Take this very classic scenario as an example of how influential your thoughts can be. Imagine you have a belief that you are boring and as a boring person, you are pretty sure—if not positive—that people who meet you won’t like you and won’t be interested in your friendship or in getting to know you. You’re convinced that others will immediately sense this negative characteristic about you, which will surely discourage anyone from wanting any future interaction with you. The belief “I am boring, so no one will like me” leads to specific thoughts that pop into your mind when you’re in social situations.
For instance, if someone introduces themselves to you, before you even reach out for a handshake, you think, “She won’t like me.” It’s very likely that even upon entering the room, the negative thoughts start pouring in as your mind floods you with: “No one will like me” and other similar beliefs.
It's pretty typical to have negative thoughts from time to time. After all, we’re human and we all have fears or moments where we feel intimidated in certain situations. Social circumstances is a commonly feared scenario. However, if you have one or more negative core beliefs, like our example of believing you are boring, and if you believe those negative thoughts that correspond with the core belief—if you believe the thoughts are facts rather than just productions of the mind, then the cycle—the loop—will do its thing. Your negative thought: “I am boring, so no one will like me” will lead to a negative feeling, which can be (and often is) sadness or an overall fear of the social situation you’re in. Then, the negative thought and feeling will inevitably impact your behaviors. You might decide to sit in a corner by yourself in the social situation. You might stand with your arms crossed or avoid smiling—two behaviors that can deter anyone from approaching you. When no one approaches you, you may think, “I knew it. No one likes me because I’m boring” when the reality is that your behaviors (e.g., your attitude, your facial expression) may be what’s keeping people away. You behaviors, fueled by your thoughts and core belief, are causing you to miss out on opportunities to have any positive social interactions.
Negative thoughts tend to be very exaggerated and unrealistic—like our example of believing no one will like you because you are boring. From an outsiders perspective, it’s plain to see that this belief will lead you to avoiding people entirely or maybe acting in an unfriendly manner when meeting others. This seems like a pretty obvious conclusion, right? Well, it’s not exactly obvious to the person who holds the core belief. Thoughts can really trick you into believing that they are ultimate truths. The influential nature of thoughts means that it takes some work to challenge and replace them with more positive and reality-based thoughts.
How A Thought Diary Can Help
Keeping a thought diary can help you in the process of, firstly, identifying negative thoughts—catching yourself when you jump to conclusions, assume you know what others are thinking about you, or when you’re convinced you know what an outcome will be even before putting yourself out there. Once you identify your negative thoughts and write them down in your thought diary, you can then start to see patterns and triggers for those thoughts. For instance, you’ll likely identify the situations or places where those thoughts tend to occur. You’ll also be able to link certain feelings and behaviors with your thoughts. For example, you might find the connection between the nervousness you feel the moment you arrive at work or step into a meeting and the negative thoughts you have about your knowledge and skills in your field.
Start a simple thought diary and take it with you everywhere for the next 2 weeks. Create a column where you write your negative thoughts and then create two more columns where you write the feeling that accompanies the thought and the behavior that you display as a result of the thought. You might find that you’ll notice a feeling before you can pinpoint any negative thought. This is okay—write it down under the feeling column and see if you can become aware of the thoughts you were having. If not, leave it blank and return to it later. It’s likely that the feeling will come back again. Sometimes, negative thoughts become so automatic that you don’t even notice the adverse effects they have on your mood, emotions, or behaviors! Let’s say you engage in a negative behavior, like sitting by yourself in social gatherings (similar to our example). Write this down in your thought diary under behaviors and do a little back tracking. Examine the thoughts that go through your mind as you get ready for a social event or as you arrive and make your way to the table all the way in the back of the room.
A thought diary is an excellent exercise in increasing your self-awareness and beginning the important process of identifying, challenging, and replacing negative thinking.
